The Lying, Cheating Louse!!

“Oh Shelly, I love you so much,” my boyfriend Dave would say every day and every night. He was such a charmer! He was Irish and had obviously kissed the Blarney Stone. He knew the way to a woman’s heart.

We had met in an Irish bar in town called Molly Malone’s and hit it off immediately. I can never resist a man with dark hair, blue eyes and a soft Irish accent and I loved and trusted him implicitly. I was planning our wedding, naming our future children, all of that…

One night my friend Sheila came round in tears. Dave and I lived in separate places because we had not been together more than a few weeks. She had discovered that her boyfriend was cheating on her. I was horrified and very sympathetic. She had come prepared with a bottle of vodka, cigarettes and an industrial-sized packet of Galaxy chocolate. I had a shoulder or two and she was welcome to cry on either.

“How did you find out, Shee?” I asked her. She told me about some text forwarding software that she had put on her boyfriend’s phone. She claimed that she had been suspicious for a while, the usual reasons – her boyfriend acting suspiciously, showing less interest in her and having strange mood swings. She said she had to find out what was going on and would rather know the truth than be wondering or be played for a fool. When Sheila left later that evening, my mind was whirring. I had thought her boyfriend was a lovely guy, that he was not the cheating type. Is there such thing as a cheating type? I lay awake for most of the night, wondering about Dave. I thought about the words he said to me, the way he held me – it all seemed so right but could you ever be sure about someone? After all, you hear about marriages crumbling and partners being shell-shocked, having had no idea whatsoever about spousal infidelity. I decided to do what Sheila had done and check up on Dave.

It is against my nature to be suspicious but I had thought Sheila’s boyfriend would never do that so I was now worried about my own.

When I had my text forwarding software, it paid for itself within five hours. The lying scumbag! So much for “I love you so much,” he was loving SEVEN other girls so much too! No wonder he wanted to live alone. He had left a few pieces of clothing at my place, which are now cut into ribbons and sitting in my kitchen bin. Thank god for the software – without that, he could have broken my heart so much more severely. As it was, it is only a few wasted months from my life. The louse!I went into the office early the next morning, as usual before anyone else, and examined the Alexandria recliner for stains or signs of usage. There were none. But Joe and Sarah had not been careful. I called them both into a meeting and fired them for unprofessional and lewd behavior. They were so embarrassed that they did not ask how I knew about their recent activities. What makes it worse is that the pair of them are married, but not to one another. I have recruited two new staff and sales figures are sky high again!